dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
