Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this boner is exhausting
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
