And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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