my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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