I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
