So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
