You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
