and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
