Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
