We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
