Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
