This is not my ceiling
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
