Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
