Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
