fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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