miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
