Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize