I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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