You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
