Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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