Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
