Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
