no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
