Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
