Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
