Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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