Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
