omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
