im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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