My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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