Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
