She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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