Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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