Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
