Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
