okay pat passed out under dana's car
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
