i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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