I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
