i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found the puke drawer
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
