if you like me you must not know who I am
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
