im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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