"it" just moved
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god it's open bar.
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