glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
