We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
