Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who died my cat blue again?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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