Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
