Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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