whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
