You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
