just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
