i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
