Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
