Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
